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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170954">It's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation'>Multifandom_damnation</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Discovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Bonding, Background Adira Tal/Grey Tal, Character Study, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Developing Friendships, Dialogue Light, Gen, Introspection, Minor Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets, Paul Stamets Is Bad At Feelings, Season/Series 03, Team Dynamics, Team as Family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:35:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Somehow, Paul Stamets was everything and nothing like Adira had expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Paul Stamets &amp; Adira Tal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listen guys, I don't know if this is exactly how I was hoping for this fic to turn out, but I'm on episode 9 of season 2 and I am loving it so much!! I love all these characters and their relationships and everything. I think Stamets might be my favourite!! I think the relationship he has with a lot of the other characters is one of the best parts of the show. Reno? Tilly? Hugh? Adira? Tell me I'm wrong!! Anyway, I haven't met Adira yet but I've seen some clips on youtube and I hope there isn't too much wrong here! I tried to base this off that once clip where Grey askes "Can we make some new memories please?" and then Adira mocks Paul with "Oh, these crazy kids and their chaos" which was just... brilliant. Anyway!! I hope you guys like this because this show is fantastic and I hope I do it the justice it deserves.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somehow, Paul Stamets was everything and nothing like Adira had expected.</p><p>While he was no longer the highest-ranking engineer in the place, it was still very much <em>his</em>. <em>His</em> Spore Drive. <em>His</em> work station. <em>His</em> knowledge and equipment. And Commander Reno seemed happy to give him that little win, despite their constant bickering. </p><p>There was a curtness to the way he ordered around his team and efficiency that he required from every member in every aspect of their work. He had high expectations and they were always delivered. </p><p>But there was something else there too, hidden beneath the bluntness and curtness was a soft, gentle side that was rarely seen unless you knew what to look for, which, after a short while, Adira did.</p><p>It was in the genuine way he would praise his team for their achievements at the end of a long day. The gentle way he would send Tilly up to bed when he caught her yawning one too many times. The soft look he got sometimes when observing his team working diligently. The way he would happily come over to a work station to help with something or give a second opinion on. The way he would absently pat someone on the shoulder when he passed. The huge smile he would get when the team stumbled upon a breakthrough. The way he would stifle a laugh when he overheard some funny conversation. Even the way that he bickered with Reno.</p><p>There was a lot of things to see if you knew where to look, and Adira had gotten very good at observing from a distance and looking for those sorts of things.</p><p>They saw the way he treated the Spore Drive with respect and reverence but a touch of reluctance each time he was ordered to interface with it. The way he was always the first to arrive in engineering and the last to leave. The way his shoulders seemed to carry the weight of the world across them. The way he had at least one finger in every metaphorical pie within engineering. The way his brows were always pulled together in the beginnings of a migraine and his lips were pursed tightly as the stress slowly build up to explosive levels. The way he often took responsibility for the occasional mishap and the safety of his team, and sometimes bit off more than he could chew work-wise, despite never admitting it.</p><p>To some, it would just seem like the overly-ambitious exploits of a rightfully arrogant genius who made his bed long ago and now must lie in it. But to those who knew better, to Adira and Jett and Hugh and Tilly, they could see straight through his carefully fabricated facade and to the man beneath. </p><p>The very first time that Adira got to watch the Spore Drive in action, they got to just sit back while the other, more experienced engineers go about their business. </p><p>The lights dimmed and the alarm echoed through the ship as the Captain initiated a Black Alert. At this, Grey looked around as engineering erupted into motion. "What's going on?"</p><p>"Don't worry, it's just a Black Alert," Adira assured. Grey raised an eyebrow. "It's this ships version of a Warp Core. I think Commander Reno tends to that. It's... you'll see."</p><p>They both watched as the engineers called out status reports from their stations and Stamets crossed the floor to the reaction cube, un-zipping his sleeves and scratching absently at his uncomfortable-looking implants with a faint grimace on his face. He stepped into the cube and the door shut behind him.</p><p>"What is he doing?" Grey asked as Stamets settled back against the chair and held out his arms. </p><p>"He's the ship's navigator," they explained as the implants shifted open and the shunts began to rise. "He needs to plug into the ship so that the Spore Drive can work."</p><p>Grey grimaced as the shunts entered Stamets implants and he jerked slightly at the sensation. "That looks painful," he said. "Or at least really uncomfortable."</p><p>"That's what I think," Adira said as the ship began to shudder. "But you know, this starship comes from the past. 930 years into the past. I doubt the crew would be willing to part with their prehistoric technology. Besides," they gestured at Paul. "He's pretty stubborn."</p><p>But Grey was still looking at the reaction cube with trepidation as the ship began the jump. "Stubborn or not, he <em>has</em> to realize how inconvenient and unnecessary that whole thing is."</p><p>"I'm not sure," they shrugged. "I haven't had the time to ask him. I'm not even sure how he would take it if I did."</p><p>"So what? Those things are barbaric. Inhumane," Grey waved his hand at Stamets in the cube. As the Black Alert was deactivated, the shunts drew back from Stamets's arms, the door swung open and he stumbled out, looking drained and exhausted. "You're a genius. You're the smartest person I've ever met. If anyone could fix those <em>things</em> and still keep them functional, it's you. And besides, isn't it better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?"</p><p>As Adria watched Stamets trudge across the engineering floor and return straight-backed behind the consol to continue his important work, they started to think that maybe Grey was onto something.</p><p>Slowly, Adria began to put a plan into motion. Nano-gel was standard fair on any modern federation vessel, and the other parts were easy enough to find within the storage unit of engineering. Sometimes, Reno or Tilly would come over and inquire or observe, but neither of them seemed very interested, but neither stopped them. </p><p>The basic act of building things was relaxing in its repetition and relative simplicity. Creating things was one of the few things that they were good at, and they took great pride in their work. And now it mattered, even more, knowing that it was an important item for someone who deserved it.</p><p>Stamets was a difficult man to get to know, but those who did know him well were able to open the door a little bit for everyone else. Only with Tilly did he smile so softly and genuinely. Only with Reno did he splutter and chuckle and hide his blushing face behind his hand.</p><p>And only Doctor Culber could soften him to a degree that everyone else could only hope to accomplish. The only real affection he ever showed was with Hugh, whether it be intertwining fingers or hands caressing faces or passionate kisses in full view of the whole engineering team and sometimes even the rest of the crew. Hugh gave Paul the opportunity to speak openly about topics Hugh couldn't even begin to understand but still looked at him lovingly regardless and Paul was absolutely smitten with Hugh and would probably worship the ground he walked on if Hugh wouldn't scold him for doing so.</p><p>It was still a dynamic that Adira was trying to figure out, but they saw much when seated in the mess hall with tools on the table before them and Grey providing commentary in their ear.</p><p>Hugh was nice. His daily rounds through the ship always included a pass by engineering, and when he would give Paul a scrutinizing once-over before immediately checking on the rest of the team, he always took the time to chat with Adira about their day. He would make it clear that they could always come to visit him in med-bay if they needed it. He always smiled at them when their paths crossed, and he made them feel welcomed. </p><p>But the Discovery crew were still adjusting to travelling 930 years into the future via a wormhole, and despite the very welcome personnel, it still felt foreign to them- so Adria does what they've always done. They make and create, and build and build and build. </p><p>Late at night, long after a majority of the crew had returned to their quarters, Adira crept down into engineering, entered the deactivated reaction cube and began assembling the new equipment. </p><p>"Looks good," Grey said from the open doorway. "You did a great job, just like I knew you would. It's streamlined. <em>Modern</em>."</p><p>"Hush, you," Adira smiled as they crouched down and adjusted the final touches. "I hope he likes it. The last thing I need is for him to get mad at me for fiddling with his stuff."</p><p>"Don't worry too much about it. From what I've seen, he's all bark and no bite," Grey said. Adira had to smile. "Besides, there's no-one in the galaxy that could resist you."</p><p>Snorting, Adira rose and began applying the nano-gel. "You're so sappy. I can't believe that while you were gone, I'd almost forgotten how much I loved you."</p><p>Grey seemed about to reply but was interrupted by a person moving out of the shadows and towards the cube, and Jett Reno peaked inside to where Adira had frozen in fear, chewing on something sweet-smelling and brightly coloured. "So, uh," she said as she glanced around the room. "What do you think you're doing in there?"</p><p>Panicked, Adira exchanged a look with Grey but steeled themself regardless. "I'm installing updates to the Spore Drive, Commander."</p><p>"Uh-huh," Reno seemed bored. "Without consulting with Stamets? That's pretty bold."</p><p>Clearing their throat, Adira straightened up. "It's preferable to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission."</p><p>Reno nodded approvingly as Grey beamed at them. "I think I like you. You've got moxie," she gestured at the equipment and tools strewn about the inside of the reaction cube. "So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish in here?"</p><p>"I'm hoping to improve Luitenenant Stamets experience when using the Spore Drive," Adira crossed their arms behind their back. "My assumption is that by installing nano-gel, he would no longer have use for those shunts and that the process of performing a Spore Jump would leave him less taxed and be a more comfortable experience."</p><p>"Impressive. You're pretty good. I think you're going to go far here," Reno said as she stuck her finger into the wobbling nano-gel. "This gunk is super gross, but I'm sure Stamets will go nuts trying to figure out how it works. And if he doesn't like it, at least then I'll have something to entertain me for the next few weeks while he tries to put it all back the way it was."</p><p>Out of the corner of their eye, they saw Grey grinning smugly. "I told you so."</p><p>Stamets was, indeed, enamoured with the new setup and was more amazed by it than Adira had expected. He was fascinated by the nano-gel, stunned by the sophisticated design and grateful for their unprompted assistance. There might have also been a touch of bashfulness that a better way of doing things had been discovered and he hadn't been the one to think of it.</p><p>From then onwards, no day went by without Stamets complimenting them for their intellect and praising them for their ingenuity, much to the chagrin of the rest of the team. But Adira didn't really mind. It was nice having someone other than Grey to boost their self-esteem, and they were starting to enjoy the odd relationship they had with Stamets very much.</p><p>There was something about Stamets- and Culber and the entire Discovery crew- that was nothing like Adira had ever experienced. They never would have expected that he would be so kind and understanding about their situation with Grey, or that he would be so supportive of their position in engineering, or of their talents. </p><p>So, the moment Adira got the chance, they removed the implants from where they were embedded into the flesh of his arms, navigating the primitive metal alloy and the many wires and his veins exposed to the open air, Grey hovering over their shoulder before they ordered him to sick-bay with a squeaky voice so Doctor Pollock could seal the open, gaping wound and heal the tired skin.</p><p>Later, when Adira was moments away from leaving Paul under the watchful eye of the medical staff, staring at the smooth skin of his skin and caressing the sensitive part of his forearms, a hand wrapped around their arm froze them in their tracks.</p><p>"Adira... thank you very much for this," Paul said in a rare moment of humble humility, of public emotion, of naked insecurity. "You are... brilliant. You have accomplished things that we have ever dreamed of. And you fixed me. You gave me back something that the field has taken from me while still allowing me to do my job and conduct my duties aboard this ship. I think you're going to fit in wonderfully here, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not amazing."</p><p>"Oh," Adira actually blinked in surprise at the praise. "It was no trouble, really. I'm happy to help out anywhere I can. Thank <em>you</em> for being so nice to me, and all."</p><p>For the first time, Adira was privy to one of those rare smiles that only the closest people to him got to see. "It has been my ultimate pleasure, young Adira."</p><p>It had been a very long time since Adira had felt so proud and of themselves no less. They can't stop the smile that speeds across their face and the blush that graces their cheeks, and Stamets laughs at them a little, light and airy and gentle, as they turn away. If they had hair, they would be trying to hide behind it. "Well, thank you. I'm very pleased that I could help you feel a little bit like yourself."</p><p>They leave him there, focused almost entirely on the tender skin that once contained those implants that he hated so very much. Doctor Culber entered at the same time that Adira exited, and they nodded politely in greeting before scurrying along, not wanting to be in the middle of whatever touching reunion they were about to get into. Hugh's brows furrowed in that concerned way that they often did, and he glanced at their retreating back and inside the med-bay to where Paul was sitting blankly on one of the beds and rushed inside in worry.</p><p>"See?" Grey grinned as he chased after Adira towards engineering. "I told you. I knew I wasn't the only one who thought you were brilliant. He's great, you know? Like, super great."</p><p>"Alright," Adira grumbled. "That's enough."</p><p>"I don't think so," Grey teased. "You've spent our entire relationship worried that you'd never be good enough. And now so many people are seeing how amazing and brilliant and smart you are, including Lutentet Stamets. So now you're not allowed to say that you suck."</p><p>Adira rolled their eyes and ignored him. The turbo-lift doors shut and began to take Adira towards engineering. Grey smirked at them, and leaned beside them, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, smugness radiating off of him. </p><p>Maybe Grey was right, Adira realized. Maybe just this once, they could feel proud of their achievements. Maybe just this once, they had finally found someone to accept them and support them, and could finally allow themselves to accept the praise that they knew they deserved.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Star Trek fics are just so hard to write logically. Like, on one hand, they all have first names! Paul, Hugh, Michael, Jett, Ash, Sylvia. But they go by their last names? Stamets, Culber, Burnham, Reno, Tyler, Tilly??? Like, I WANT to use their first names, but I'm never sure if I should or if it's better to use their last names?? I had the same issues with the movies- Do I refer to Doctor McCoy as Leonard, Bones, or McCoy? He has three names that everyone uses. Do you know what I mean??? Usually, I would write the narrative using peoples first names and then use their nicknames when being spoken to/about in dialogue, like Garfield or Gar, but I don't know how to do that with Star Trek because all the names are used in canon?? I don't know. It's just a pet peeve of mine haha.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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